For 38 years, I knew something was wrong. I just thought I could fill in the spaces myself! I was into new age stuff, eastern religion, astrology, I Ching…
I had gone to church at least two times a year when I was a kid, but the whole family got lazy about that. Our hearts probably just weren’t in it. I doubt any of us went for the right reasons.
But I wanted to understand what the deal was. As a youngster, I’d ask the grownups, “WHO is the Holy Spirit?!” They would try to explain God the Father and Jesus the Son to me… I could almost wrap my head around those two, but the Holy Ghost eluded me. And no one seemed able to explain Him. Of course that was because it’s not a head thing- it’s a heart thing. But even back then, I was quite the intellectual. So I just couldn’t figure it out.
Eventually (at 38 years old), some rather unmanageable stuff came up in my life, and I knew I really needed to connect with God, and PRAY. I somehow realized I needed that “go-between”. I needed the Holy Spirit. A co-worker had been on my case about Christianity, so I’d been fending her off by telling her, “Yes, I KNOW Jesus died for my sins. Yes I KNOW I’m a sinner. Yes I AM a Christian.” But when I needed to pray, I felt like I wasn’t quite “in the club”. So… I prayed to God, asking for the Holy Spirit. He GAVE it to me! I started speaking in tongues, in a sort of musical prayer song, as I stood at the stove making dinner. I’m pretty sure God wanted to give me something to confirm that this didn’t come from me. And this unknown language certainly didn’t come from me! So I finally got it. I was completely transformed. Night and day.
Thankfully, my high school sweetheart, rebel comrade, hippie style, non-believing husband also got saved in the following six months- thank you LORD! At one point, before Tom’s conversion, me in tears again (as this had become a common thing for me now), I begged him to just, “Confess that Jesus is Lord and you will be saved”. He said he could not say that, as he didn’t KNOW Jesus is Lord. I think I was hoping for a magical chant by that point, that Tom just had to say the words. But my husband knew better. I’m glad he didn’t just go through the motions, and pretend.
Nope, you can’t wrap your head around it- you really do need for the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart about this truth. I am eternally grateful that Tom received that, and that we’ve both been able to work together in Christ for all these years since then. I’m thankful too, that our kids came more easily to Christ- maybe they didn’t have as much baggage. And now, we are so blessed, knowing the One True God, having Jesus Christ as our Savior. We continue on, almost twenty years later, serving the Lord, enjoying that unique fellowship we have with other believers, praying, and loving God. Praise Jesus.
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